Probably, for all that had happened until now, I should the one be blamed. I could not bring myself to hate her. The more I try to hate her, the more I felt to be in her embrace again.

I should be blamed:
since the very first day of courting her, coz she might not even got over her ex-boyfriend yet
since the very first week she came back from UK and I allow her to see him again
since the very first time she went out with him behind my back and bang his car, and I forgive her
since the very first time my heart ever got heart so badly as she lied and even denied that she was with him even being noticed by my friend
for all this I shall be blamed, I shouldn't had got angry when she changed her mobile phone number and I was not informed and he's the first to have the number.

I had never blamed her. I would rather think all this happened because of me. If I didn't have done something in the first place, each thing would not happen. I guess if I wasn't so soft-hearted and tolerable at the first place, I couldn't have gone through all this lessons and know the greatest pain a person has to go through.
This is what I always believe in 'karma', in english, 'the cause and effect'.

For now, my heart is already in pieces. For now, I could only try to mend my heart with the flow of time and the paces of work.

Best wishes to the one I ever loved. May your life be blessed and may your suffering be lessen. May you find your happiness.