Fools world...
|
 |
| |
Tuesday, October 25, 2005 |
I finally moved on with my life and forget about her... But little do I expect, almost a year later today, I would be able to scratch the her carvings on my heart and found someone else. This someone else makes me feel not wanting to be apart from her and will want her to be my soulmate. The feeling towards this sweetie of mine is even stronger than I had imagined.
I had thought that the lady to this blog who is the one person I will lost most in life, guess life is just too unpredictable and always has it's way of toying people, turns out the most important person just appear in my life. I fell into my sweetie's grasp, deeper than I thought I had been ( of which was written in this blog).
However, everything is like deja vu... I'm at the verge of losing someone I love so much, again. Am I overly good for a girl if I'm willing to wait for her from work for more than an hour? Why by treating my girlfriend with the best that I could offer would only bring me the consequence of losing her rather than her appreciation? Why instead of thinking of the negative side ( guilty to see me waiting), she can't think of the positive side ( having someone who is willing to wait for hour just to make sure she fill her stomach after work with McD).
p/s: I'm lost half way of writing this blog, will continue if fate allows.
Posted at 06:13 pm by foolbelk
| |
Saturday, December 25, 2004 |
Finally I'm feel ease to let her go... I had finally got her number and got a chance to talk to her through MSN messenger. Through our conversation, I realised that he's treating her well, and she gave me a feeling that, she's happy and secured being with him. Although it hurt, but I feel so happy for her. As long as she's in my memory, this is what I wish to see her to have, a happy life and a life partner that would take care of her well.
Knowing her harsh childhood, as long as she got someone that can protect her from going through hard time again, I'm willing to see her leave. It doesn't come easy for me at all. But other part of my heart knowing she's happy, then I'm happy.
Suddenly on my way back just now, The Reason was played on the radio. This song never fail to struck me with the memories we have had. Never in this lifetime I can forget her.
Merry X'mas. I love you. Please live your life to the fullest. Prove to me that letting you go is a correct choice.
Artist: Ryan Cabrera
Title: True
I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me
You might think I don't look
But deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you
mmmm
I'm weak, it's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
You don't know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak, it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true |
Posted at 05:38 am by foolbelk
| |
Monday, December 06, 2004 |
These are the SMSes that I still keep till today. Never knows things would just turn bad within days. Guess, that's life. Everytime looking at these SMSes, my heart will sink, thinking of those days. Still floating of these comfortable and happy days with her.
02-09-2004, 00:10:47
I KNOE u LOVE me NO more IS ok... IM sorry... but I still LOVE u..frm MY heart.. I can KOE tat U live HAPPILY now TAT'S good... alvin U r THE 1 tat I love MOST in MY whole LIFE.
|
27-08-2004, 00:06:47
Surprise!
It's me CoMing bY To SaY
i miss u...!!
|
24-08-2004, 00:36:13
I May Not
C U
always
But sMs is a way 2 show dat i
still thinking of you...
|
09-08-2004, 23:07:02
no More tears NO more SLEEPLESS 9 NO more Suffering NO more TORTURING no MORE worrying NO more WAITING 4 ME no MORE missing ME..no MORE luving ME..u WILL live HAPPILY ever AFTER
|
09-08-2004, 22:52:10
if I hv A choice I will CHOOSE the LIFE v SPENT 2gether IN sheffield NEVER come BACK! I have 2 tell you B4 i GO i LOVE u VERY much. U r THE man I love MOST in MY life NO 1 else HOW can I let U knoe I not WILLING 2 leave U.
|
09-08-2004, :22:44:34
plz DO tk CARE of URSELF as I koe U will. UR life BECOME more ESY n WITHOUT suffering FRM now U lost NOTHING but I lost SOME1 tat LUV me SO much..I LOST the MOST precious PERSON in MY life TAT is U. |
09-08-2004, 22:33:03
u CAN hate ME as I hate MYSELF i COULDNT tell U face 2 FACE coz I koe I'll nvr can SPEAK it OUT. tis MAY lead U a MORE blissful LIFE. Im SO sorry 2 do TIS 2 U. i HATE myself 2 let U go FRM me..
|
09-08-2004, 22:25:11
Alvin. Im SORRY 2 tell U tis I hav 2 leave.Im sorry TAT v LUV each OTHER but V couldnt B 2gether. I hate MYSELF 2 hurt U i HATE myself 2 mk U suffer. U r NOT suppose 2 deserve ALL tis U r BEING
|
06-08-2004, 18:19:48
dear I didnt C doctor BUT im ok oredy. I will SWITCH off MY handset DUN worry NJOY ur MOVIE. MUACKS i love U miss U so MUCH.
|
30-07-2004, 13:41:29
tengtengteng. I koe u must b UNHAPPY now IS ok DEAR not UR fault THE damn TARCIAN buta OREDI dun MAKE urself ANGRY. tengtengteng. :*) i CURSE him OK? muacks.
|
27-07-2004, 19:02:19
wuwuwu.. no gas.. no maggie.. means no dinner... wuwuwu i 1 2 eat nasi goreng thai. i 1 2 eat johny. :(
|
24-07-2004, 22:34:56
i love u. i really do |
24-07-2004, 21:44:24
sorry,my dear. i koe u must b down 2day. i disappointed u, rite? sorry.. sorry.. sorry..
|
18-07-2004, 00:49:00
me jes ate 2 pcs of bread. now drinking the juice tat u bought 4 me. :( tis time sure bcome fei poh liao. wu wu wu wu my nasi goreng thai ah... :*)
|
17-07-2004, 21:37:48
hen xiang che nasi goreng thai of.. ke shi you pa fei. :(
|
17-07-2004
Sorry dear. i love u. |
17-07-2004, 13:28:31
Im at KFC. The radio playing the song 'The Reason'. This make me miss u more n more.
|
16-07-2004, 19:31:31
tao yan tao yan tao yan de zhu. |
16-07-2004, 19:30:09
tao yan gui!
|
15-07-2004, 17:05:47
Me ok le. Dun worry. How abt u? Em.. now still lying on the bed. U ah, dun eat fried, oily, spicy food,ok? muacks.. (smooch smooch). :P
|
14-07-2004, 21:57:22
Me at home le. so tired. Want 2 sleep lou. But after shower lah. Tell u abt my interview 2molo,k? Muacks.99
|
06-07-2004, 23:25:06
dear... |
05-07-2004, 18:58:53
iLOVEyouIluvUiLUVyouIloveUiLOVEyouIloveUIluv
UiLOVEuIloveUiLUVyouIloveUiLOVEyOuIluvUiLOV
EyouiLUVUiiluvuiluvuiloveUILoveyOUiLOVEyoUilU
Vu
|
05-07-2004, 17:49:31
I LOVE YOU. |
01-07-2004, 13:53:04
Dear u guess wat im doing now? :P im o si'ing now. so uncomfortable. the si 2 hard. How ah?
#( |
30-06-2004, 17:27:30
wo hui dao jia le. |
Posted at 04:22 am by foolbelk
| |
Thursday, December 02, 2004 |
I went to eat at the "mamak" below my house. She loves the food there, especially the "nasi goreng thai". The kakak, whom I would always tease her saying she's her godmother there started to ask me bout her. I told the kakak that we broke off already. She like to see her everytime we went to eat there. As usual, the kakak would say, my darling is sweet, so beautiful and she loves to see her. I wish that I could tell the kakak that I know all these and neither do I wish to see her leave.
Until now, her gentle smile, her sunshine-like smile, her angry but yet adorable expression... All remain... in my mind.
Posted at 01:09 am by foolbelk
| |
Saturday, November 27, 2004 |
If I were to given another chance to go back to the pass knowing all these would happen, I would still want you to be my girlfriend. I never regret a bit.
Even though you are his now, but I just couldn't erase you from my memory no matter what. If that's hardship I have to go through to find the love of my life, then let it be. Everday I wake up thinking that I could forget you easily, but when I dig a little deeper, my heart for you will be seen. If that's the torture I have to go through to find the love of my life, then let it be.
Let it all be, because I have found the love of my life even if it means I have to lose it too. Because you are still the love in my life.
It's just the path that I have to go through, since I'm still not the one you love most.
Posted at 08:37 pm by foolbelk
| |
Wednesday, October 27, 2004 |
I just watched the DVD of 50 First Date. Everything just started to hit me back, so hard. My heart felt so..... I watched this movie together with her. The memories which I never thought would just rush back into my head within minutes of it starting.
Posted at 04:54 am by foolbelk
Thought of her so much... I try to close my eyes, but I can't eliminate her from my mind. I saw her pictures from the photo frame that she left behind... I tried not to look... the more i saw it... The more I can't control myself not to find her. She's leading a happy life with someone else... I CAN'T BE SO SELFISH.... ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH........................ I loved her with all my heart... and now I can't get over her.
Posted at 05:46 am by foolbelk
Her love that is deeply carved onto my heart forever... I thought that I would not have this same kind of feeling anymore ever since I got over my first love. The thought which would surface when I close my eyes and when I'm all alone. The thoughts of her every details, every movement, every words, every smile, every care and every second... The thoughts of having to hug her in my embrace once again.
She's the greatest love I have had... Not even comparable to my first love. The feeling of missing and thinking of her is so deeply carved into my heart.
She once asked me of my thoughts of wanting to have a family with her so much is whether because, I grew matured or am I really wanting to do so? I guess I can best answer now, I'm truly and only have the thoughts of having a family with her. Her departured has makes me realised how deeply her love has been carved and bind to my heart.
I miss her so much...
Posted at 05:26 am by foolbelk
| |
Saturday, October 09, 2004 |
It's 6am. The semi-dark morning with cold weather and drizzling rain reminds me of the days in Sheffield with her. I would always leave her house early in the morning before her housemates woke up. Before leaving her house, I would give her a kiss and walk back in the cold air. The last day before we leave Norfolk Park, it's was raining. I went home everyday after kissing her and sleep warm-heartedly.
Posted at 06:58 am by foolbelk
| |
Tuesday, September 28, 2004 |
Things has come to an end... Probably, for all that had happened until now, I should the one be blamed. I could not bring myself to hate her. The more I try to hate her, the more I felt to be in her embrace again.
I should be blamed:
since the very first day of courting her, coz she might not even got over her ex-boyfriend yet
since the very first week she came back from UK and I allow her to see him again
since the very first time she went out with him behind my back and bang his car, and I forgive her
since the very first time my heart ever got heart so badly as she lied and even denied that she was with him even being noticed by my friend
for all this I shall be blamed, I shouldn't had got angry when she changed her mobile phone number and I was not informed and he's the first to have the number.
I had never blamed her. I would rather think all this happened because of me. If I didn't have done something in the first place, each thing would not happen. I guess if I wasn't so soft-hearted and tolerable at the first place, I couldn't have gone through all this lessons and know the greatest pain a person has to go through.
This is what I always believe in 'karma', in english, 'the cause and effect'.
For now, my heart is already in pieces. For now, I could only try to mend my heart with the flow of time and the paces of work.
Best wishes to the one I ever loved. May your life be blessed and may your suffering be lessen. May you find your happiness.
Posted at 01:26 pm by foolbelk
|
